Two Types Of People - 1.1 or "The Toilet"

“Two types of people” will be a continuing piece on this blog. In this first episode, we discuss the toilet.

There are two types of people in the world. Those that flush a dirty toilet and go about their business, and those that call out to the perpetrator and say “You didn’t flush” or “Something didn’t go down” and then walk away WITHOUT flushing the offending matter.

What is the purpose of this? You would really rather wait for someone to come in and flush the toilet rather than press the lever yourself? Really? It’s not like the handle is coated in shit! The building is from 1922, and the management company hasn’t fixed anything since 1982. Occasionally, something will float back up. I know it’s distasteful, but the shit/piss is not going to jump out of the bowl and beat you about the head and shoulders screaming “You’re not my mother!” if you are the one that sends it down the pipes.

Maybe my experience with children has desensitized me, but when I see someone’s leavings in the toilet, I just flush it and move on. That’s right roomie, remember when you had that bad stomach flu? I saw both the contents of your stomach and your colon, and I’m sure you don’t remember me pointing it out to you…because I didn’t.

I just shrugged, flushed, and “went to work” so to speak. I certainly didn’t take it personally, or if I did, it was in a sort of Freudian Anal Stage context of “Look what you produced, that’s fantastic!”

I’ve lived with two of these people. The first was a childhood friend who was cluttered yet immaculate in terms of housekeeping – with her, I truly felt remorse if it happened, because of her delicate constitution. The second one, however, is truly bringing stones into her glass house. I cannot count the number of times I’ve cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, scrubbing every surface, cleaning the knobs on the stove, while she has yet to once clean the small common area we share.

I can accept most personality traits with grace, but hypocrisy really gets my goat.