Dismembering Last Night.

This morning I woke up in the movie Memento. Well, I actually woke up on the couch...and it wasn't so much "morning" as it was "cresting to afternoon", but those details aside, I was in Memento. Except with even more of a twist, because I didn't think I had forgotten anything.

I got up, fed my dog and let her out to relieve herself. This also gave me the opportunity to see that my car was safely parked. I was definitely dragging - I went to take a shower and it turned into an hour-long soak.

During the soak, I thought about last night. Oh, what a great time we had! I had gone to Porn Star Karaoke for an acquaintence's going away party, made a few fans with my rendition of "Different Drum", and had a few celebratory cocktails. I had a vague recollection of two rounds of shots, seeing Ron Jeremy and Mickey Rourke walk in, and then coming home and evicting my roommate from the couch so I could crash on it. I must have felt a bit queasy, because I put a large bowl on the floor next to me - it was mercifully empty except for some drool.

I checked my email and saw a message from a friend with pictures. Pictures of our group, laughing and singing. Pictures of me with Mickey Rourke. Pictures of John with Ron Jeremy. Now it was starting to dawn on me. We had evidently talked to them. I called my friend.

"That was so much fun!" she said. I was a little distracted, because I had realized I couldn't find my car keys. I opened my car door through an open window. I found a tumbler in my cup holder. "Yeah, you left the bar with that." she provided. My friend is 10 years sober, but she doesn't advertise. I remembered picking up the slack on one of the shot rounds because someone who didn't know was ordering. "I think the Jagermeister shots put a few people over the top".

The what? There were Jagermeister shots?

Oh, there are my keys - on the ground outside the back door. "And when the pornstars got all pissed because you kept dancing in front of them." What about Ron and Mickey? "You kissed Ron Jeremy."

I did what?

"No tongue. It was a smooch. Although you did stare into each other's eyes for a while."

I also did the worm across the dance floor, twisted a stranger's nipples, and sang a great version of "Tainted Love" with creamy dollops of ranch dressing dribbling from my lips and down my decollete (I remember putting the dressing on my chin, the bouncer suggested the upper chest).

All in all, my friend said it was the best time ever. I wish I had been there.