So this is my horoscope today:
Why keep fighting a fight that you know you aren't going to win, dear Aquarius? Why keep trying to fool yourself and others into thinking that you have all the answers, when really you are just aware of the tip of the iceberg? The mass of knowledge lies well beneath the surface at this time. Instead of fighting, offer your surrender. At this point, others will be much more willing to quench your thirst for the truth of the situation. The key is for you to listen.So I’m opening up the floor to discussion after I present this resolution – Mandatory celibacy for the next two months. For the month of November, I will not even date. By December, I will date, but will not participate in sexual activity. This all comes in the wake of realizing I had aligned myself with yet another alcoholic, one that followed, almost to the letter, the exact behavior of two previous sexers (I can’t call them boyfriends or lovers).
The pattern is this: I meet someone, I find them sexually irresistible, they have a substance abuse problem, things reach a comfortable plateau, and then something happens that, according to C@ , makes them realize that they are incapable of being supportive to another human being, because they “get their hugs from the bottle”. When I finally express need, suddenly they are “uncomfortable” (this is a key phrase in the pattern). With the first guy, it was about reimbursing me for taking care of HIS sick dog. The second guy, it conveniently “stopped working” after I became unemployed and needed emotional (not financial) support. And this third guy? It was a condom baby.
[For those of you not in the know, earlier this month I gave birth. It was in the bathroom of my partner’s wedding reception hall and I felt just like one of those New Jersey teenagers, except instead of a fetus, I expelled a condom. Six days after it’s inception. It had been lost. Apparently, during the rather raucous intercourse, it was replaced with another prophylactic, but like all those Christians threaten at the Rapture – it was Left Behind.]Incredibly long story short, The RubberDad Man shows up at my Halloween Party, ignores me to talk to another girl, apparently gets loaded, vomits and then drives himself home (I say apparently because this is his version of events – as far as I knew, he just left without finding me to say goodbye). The next day I tell him to “fuck off” (which is what he was going for, and is another key phrase), get my coven working on vibing him, and lo and behold, I get my period and he gets rear-ended. Those are results!
Anyway, at the end of it all, I’m forced to address why I continue to pick completely unsuitable guys, even though it’s been pointed out to me that I usually find this type when I’m trying to be casual. But why am I always trying to be casual? And am I a drama-seeker? Is it easier for me to deal with addicts because I find them “mercurial and interesting”, despite their terrible track records? It’s not only in dating – this is actually a fairly new development; I’ve had at least 5 intense, close friends since college spiral into and up from addiction (sometimes on a mobius loop), in addition to 4 that are solid, works-if-you-work-it types. My roommate doesn’t have any. Something is going on.
So I decided I need to take a little time away from boys. It’s a daunting prospect. I’ve been dating at least 2 people at a time for the majority of the past year. I broke off my long-term (5 months) primary at the end of September, and now I’ve lost my short-term secondary (3 months) and it seems like a good time for a break. I’d already started recruiting, and had to deliver the bad news to one gentlemen who took it with aplomb; I’m calling the other guy (I met at the Foo Fighters show) later today…
On the plus side, it means I'll have a lot more time here, with you, bloggy :oP
